Who We Are
by 14719emmy16954
Summary: As 7th year starts for the Marauders' generation, we see how even though tragic events and mental disorders threaten to break them apart, they keep together to eventually figure out who they really are.


_Chapter 1_

Lily Evans felt scared. She cried, crouching at the bottom of her bedroom wall, immersed in the darkness that was her home in the suburbs of Cokeworth. The black inkiness of her mascara ran streams down her cheeks; no one stopped it. She had no strength to wipe away the tears. But she didn't want to anyway; it would make no difference. There was one fact that had been obvious all summer- Lily was disgusted with herself. There was no effort left in the young girl. There was no longer a way for her to act alive even if it could get rid of the empty space that was clawing from inside of her. The empty space that was demanding food, not because Lily was being neglected or because the muggle shops had ran out of food or something strange, but because of the strong willpower that breathed through the gryffindor's veins. The seventeen-year-old was now just an odd assortment of skin and bones. Tomorrow she would be back at the miracle of Hogwarts with her head girl badge gleaming at her collar and her fake smile the same. The only problem was that Hogwarts wasn't as wonderful to her muddled mind anymore. How was she going to survive the three beastly meals of appetising food that was sure to make her taste buds tingle and the meaningless part of her beg for a binge. The thought scared her. She hoped the more sensible voice that had somehow nestled inside her would be able to keep her in order to achieve the ultimate skinniness. She had no idea why no one had mentioned or nagged her to lose weight. Especially James, how could he have a crush on her? Lily's mind drifted to the end of her sixth year when he had suddenly stopped chasing after her and instead matured to show that he could acutely be a good person inside. This bothered Lily. She felt shameful to admit that she secretly liked knowing that someone fancied her but not anymore obviously. In her mind he had moved on and this was all because of the imaginary fat that anorexia's voice had assured her was most definitely there.

Summer was the worst time for James Potter. Nine weeks without seeing his Lily. Not seeing her thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders, neither her extremely distinctive, bright green, almond-shaped eyes nor her stunning, faultless body. She was his perfect perception of beauty. All he wanted was Lily and he was determined to prove himself to her as so far the six years of Hogwarts had made no effect or difference to their relationship. Simply, he had a rather large crush on her and therefore chased after her. However this caused Lily to be completely unimpressed by everything and anything he did. He felt a little bit of a failure. This last year of his schooling was going to make a difference. It had to. He had started to act more sensibly instead of the cocky show off he once was. It seemed to him that as he started to change; something shifted inside of Lily too. He always noticed if there was anything offbeat about the née Evans girl and he concluded that something was bothering her. In the last few months of school she had started to lose interest in her classes and she was losing concentration all the time, which was exceedingly uncommon for her. She also looked exhausted and she started to wear many sweaters under her school robes, it was although she was trying to get back under her duvet even in the warm, toasty season. Lily had also started to eat very little and as a consequence she was often complaining of stomach pains as well as light-headedness during classes and her skin was turning dryer by the day. James decided she was definitely sick. He concluded she probably had a cold. But of course anything, even as small as a cold, worries James. He drifted into an uneasy sleep wishing tomorrow would come sooner so he could see his soul mate once more.

Wearily, Sirius Black tiptoed around his fellow marauder's cluttered bedroom which they had split since he had been generously adopted by the Potters the previous year. His aching body collapsed on his bed whilst sweat still ran from his greasy forehead where his black and lustrous hair settled. His mind was still stuck in the recollections of the night's activities. He now felt drowsy in the aftermath of the glorious sensation of two bodies clutching against each other in a tight embrace under the crumpled sheets on a stranger's bed whose name he could not quite remember. A name he wouldn't remember for some time yet. This was how most evenings played out for the immensely popular and glamorous trouble-maker. It was not his fault that girls seemed to fall at the feet of the dark and handsome young man. He ignored them all equally but they would continue to fawn over his bad-boy attitude. Nights like this made Sirius fall further and further into the familiar, moreover depressive, stupor which seemed to have abruptly materialised over the vacation. All he genuinely longed for was someone to make him feel loved. Someone who was so devoted to him that they would treat him with the tenderness he yearned for. He felt drained by the déjà vu of his one night stands. They only wanted to be able to boast about sleeping with him. Nothing more. Despite this he sometimes found himself craving for it, as long as it stopped him from feeling utterly and completely left alone in the world. This would stop. Once upon a time Sirius could endure his heart giving up as a consequence of his own actions. However that time had passed long ago.


End file.
